Perspective

Today is Tuesday, March 26th and I'm giving up the scale again for a month.


I've been consistently seeing loses every week for the past few weeks and feeling lighter, smaller, and stronger.

When I stepped on the scale today my heart kind of sunk a bit and I could feel the bad thoughts bubbling up.  Staying the same is hard.

I also know that I had food yesterday and the day before that would probably make me not lose.  I've also not slept well the last two nights.  These are things I need to remember.

I also need to remember that the scale DOES NOT MATTER.  My head knows this, but every time I don't lose my brain goes on overdrive and I think that I will never lose another pound and the scale is going to go up.  Dumb.

The other thing that convinced me to get off the scale?

Today I managed to get 5 reps with 145lbs for my deadlift!  More satisfactory than any number on a scale!  My last try was barely 3 reps.  I'm hoping that a 1-2RM will show up soon so I can test whether or not I've hit goal!   I can't wait!

And this picture reminds me of how far I've come!  I'm back in jeans I haven't worn in years, and they're starting to feel loose!

Time to get rid of that scale again Kelly.  Until April 26th, I WILL NOT get on the scale.

Get Real Food Challenge - Final Thoughts

It's here!!

Changing the Mental Game

Part of the problem (or at least my problem) of being chubby, losing weight, putting a significant amount back on, and working my bum off to get it back off, is the toll it's taken on my mental health.

The good news is that my self-hatred for my body has basically been erradicated.  I truly believe that if I was to stay at this size for awhile, I'd be okay with it.  I'm proud of what I've worked at to achieve, and so excited to keep pushing forward.  But if nothing were to happen, if I were to plateau, it'd be okay.

The problem now then?

I still have scale issues.  In the last 3 weeks,  I've been on the scale 3 times.  All favourable results, yes, but every time I get on that scale and feel that little twitch in my tummy of happiness, I wonder what I'm going to feel like if the scale doesn't budge for awhile or if it even goes up.   I can't let a number have power over me. That's not how this works.

It's February 5th, and I'm not getting back on the scale until the end of the month.  Nope.


Anyways..... other things that happened in the last few days:

I'm now down 11lbs and seated in the 150s again (okay 159, but I'll take it!).

I bought a new lulu gym outfit.  Hooray for matching! Though I need to figure out what else to pair with the crops.

I also bought a new shirt from Le Chateau and it was only $9.99.   Score.  I never buy anything from Le Chateau since it's not really my style and it's always pricy.

And then I bought some MAC too which is currently on my face :)  Good shopping weekend.  Bad for my bank account.  Whoops!


OH!  I signed up for a whole year of Crossfit!  It also means that it's significantly cheaper per month now!   Pretty excited to see what the next year may bring.

Crossfit Challenge and Progress Update Vlog

Lots of rambles again!  The best part comes at the end (of course!)

Friday Morning Weigh-In #4

Can I just say: Finally!

This week has been a 90%.  I’m excited to see what happens on a 99% week, but let’s remember that I’m young, and though I view food as fuel, I’m a foodie at heart who loves booze.  No week will be 100% for me.  I’m admitting it and I’m okay with it!

I meal prepped like a fiend this week.  I had my quinoa and chicken cooked.  My veggies were cut.  My fruit was cleaned and put away.  Boy did that help!   This has GOT to be a regular thing from now on.

Bento Boxes FTW!

I also made Jamie Eason’s Turkey Meatloaf Muffins and they were such an easy grab and go item that I’ll for sure be continuing with this!

I also tried my best to have protein at every meal.  Nut butters, nuts, eggs, turkey muffins, and hummus were staple snacks.   They helped me feel full and were more delicious then snacking on just carrots.

Who said eating healthy/losing weight meant that you have to starve yourself?   This is only 1/2 my day!

 The thing is, I have to fight tooth and nail with my weight.  If my body acted ‘normally’, I’d probably be a normal weight.  But it likes to be stubborn, and I have to accept that.  That said, this week was a big deal for me.  I actually lost a whole pound!  And proceeded to do a happy dance. 

I have to remember that every little bit down is a victory.  It’s my victory.

8 weeks ago vs. Now.  This was an eye opener.

This is where I’m putting it out there.  I am a jealous person.  It’s something I fight against a lot of times and it takes away from enjoying things.  The problem with the blogosphere?  It makes that green monster come out sometimes.  That girl lost 4lbs in a week?  Why can’t I do that? This is so unfair.  Blah blah blah.  I have to be comfortable in my own victories.  Large or small, because this is my fight and only mine.  

Bus, Subway, Train!

 As an fyi, I so won't be 100% this weekend.  I'm currently on a business class train, with free booze, on my way to one of my favourite cities.  Montreal!  I'm going to eat at a cafe, have wine and a beer, and be okay with it.  I'm also going to swim, walk, and gym my heart out when I'm there.

The Epic Battle - Friday Morning Weigh In #3

Now, I haven't done a randomized control trial on this subject, but I'm willing to bet that most trying to be fit, healthy, whatever, has had the Epic Scale Battle.  

It's the kind of battle that ends up being more head vs. heart then just willing the numbers to move.

I know, I know, I know, I know, that your body can change and the scale may barely move.  So the rational part of me sits on my right shoulder, telling me I've started weight training, that I'm eating better, that people have documented time and time again that you can look better at 135 than 120 if you have more muscle mass and a lower fat %. 

But on my left shoulder is the the little voice that says: but you once saw 121 on the scale.  You've been there before.  It should be easy to get there again.   Why don't you go to the gym 2x/day?  Stop eating so damn much.  I don't care if it's healthy.  Blah blah blah blah. 

I'm fighting that voice so badly this time.  Shoving it down and beating her up.  Because I can't let the scale ruin my day. 

That's why this time around, I've got progress pictures to refer back to as well.  It helps keep my head in the game.

So why the ramble before the weight reveal?  Because this week I lost .2lbs.  POINT TWO.  But it's still a loss. 

And I have this terrible instagram picture to show you folks.  I don't actually know what I started off as on this scale, but I think I was around 178-180.  Today, I'm 174.6lbs.  Slow and steady.  Just like Franklin the turtle. ;)

Friday Morning Weigh-In #2

Excuse the face.  I'm at work and exhausted!

So did I do it?  Did this crazy body that REFUSES to shed weight actually maybe lose something?

The answer:

My feet look really awkward.  Wide, flat feet for the win!

Kind of.  I lost .4lbs and honestly, I'll take it.  A loss is a loss and I had some not so great moments last weekend and a total sushi pig out during the week which I'm sure left some sodium bloat running rampant in my body.  Here's hoping for another loss next week!

Friday Morning Weigh-In #1

I've decided to make Friday mornings weigh-in days!

Scales can be a very evil thing for me and can really change my mood in an instant.  I'm vowing to not get on the scale a million times in a row (as in, at once, or multiple times a day, or several days in a row)!

I'll be getting on once a week, probably on the scale at work to keep it consistent and because it is digital so less than 1lb weigh-ins will be track-able.  I also really despise the scale we have at home (It's one of those digital ones that you may be up or down 3lbs in 30 seconds.  UGH).  So work scale it is.  It's also the scale that our trainer uses when personal training his clients, so it's got to be somewhat good right?

I was at least going to make this exciting by posting a picture of the scale but I totally forgot this morning and now the room is in use with some training!

Being accountable online has got to get this process kick started right?

The scary number today?

175.2

*cringes*

Okay folks!  Hoping to see 169 by the time I head to my friends cottage.