Perspective

Today is Tuesday, March 26th and I'm giving up the scale again for a month.


I've been consistently seeing loses every week for the past few weeks and feeling lighter, smaller, and stronger.

When I stepped on the scale today my heart kind of sunk a bit and I could feel the bad thoughts bubbling up.  Staying the same is hard.

I also know that I had food yesterday and the day before that would probably make me not lose.  I've also not slept well the last two nights.  These are things I need to remember.

I also need to remember that the scale DOES NOT MATTER.  My head knows this, but every time I don't lose my brain goes on overdrive and I think that I will never lose another pound and the scale is going to go up.  Dumb.

The other thing that convinced me to get off the scale?

Today I managed to get 5 reps with 145lbs for my deadlift!  More satisfactory than any number on a scale!  My last try was barely 3 reps.  I'm hoping that a 1-2RM will show up soon so I can test whether or not I've hit goal!   I can't wait!

And this picture reminds me of how far I've come!  I'm back in jeans I haven't worn in years, and they're starting to feel loose!

Time to get rid of that scale again Kelly.  Until April 26th, I WILL NOT get on the scale.

Get Real Food Challenge and Swimsuits

The Get Real Food Challenge is coming to an end on Monday (with a weekend that's going to prove a little tough in the food department) and I'll have a wrap up post coming soon.

This week, things clicked again and my stomach started to feel so much better.  No waking up with an angry tummy.  This week taught me to be more in tune with how full I am.  Once I put everything on a plate, a lot of times I'll eat it all and that's not always needed.  With the time change, I've been feeling off and not so hungry this week, so if I felt like I was done eating, I was.  That's it that's all.  There's not much else to say, except that, for this week.  I feel like the rest will come in my wrap up post!

On to other more exciting things for you readers...

In my 2013 Goals, I listed that I wanted to feel confident in my swimsuit this year.  Sooooo, in typical Kelly fashion, I ended up taking photos in my current bikini.

I'm actually pretty happy with the way it's looking now compared to last summer (last summer I HAD to wear shorts due to my hips' love for looking all muffin toppy.  The top fits perfectly this time around instead of my boobs hanging out every where.   I just want it to fit my lower half just as well.  So that's what I'm aiming for.  OR I'm going to just get some new bottoms.... OR a new bikini.   I should have known when I bought these that the bottoms were a little skimpy for what I usually wear.  

Progress is progress is progress.  Even if it's more about getting it through my head that I can wear a swimsuit without covering up.  Let's see what happens with these pictures when summer is officially here and I'm spending my time jumping in lakes!

Get Real Food Challenge Update #2

There was supposed to be a vlog here yesterday, but my new computer was having none of that and I got too frustrated to fix it yesterday.  Or today.  So you get a blog.  Deal.

Food

Food wise was fairly good last week minus the times we went out to eat, but I stuck with paleo.  Umm.... except for me making a mistake with my pizza on Friday night and forgetting that I had to check 'no cheese' option when I ordered online.  So I ate a piece with it and then picked it off the rest.

Gym

Last week I felt off for most of the week and had trouble upping my weight on a lot of things.  However, during our special Monday workout, I actually managed a 2RM Turkish Get Up with 20lbs and majorly upped my box jumps.  Wahhoooo!  This week I've been PRing all over the place but I'll update that tomorrow.

Life

Sleep has been actually on a roll this week and despite feeling off and the stressors I've had, I've been well rested.  Some of those days were melatonin induced, but I'm okay with it.  Unfortunately this week started off with me trying to push down the stress eating cravings, but so far so good.

GOING FORWARD

Food 

My goal this week has been to take out my paleo treats and decrease my 'paleo approved sugars' to take down the stress eating cravings.  I didn't bake anything on Sunday, and instead prepped lots of veggies and protein to make it through.  Unfortunately, I also made maple cinnamon almond butter and someone needs to pry it out of my hands.  It's so good.

I'm also trying to up my water intake.  I've been slacking recently.  So the brita and I are now BFFs.

Gym

Trying to give it all no matter how I feel this week.  Pushing through and getting it done.  That's it that's all.

Life

My life goal is the same as the gym.  Approach things with positivity and every time my head gets into a vicious cycle of self doubt, counteract it with what is going right in my life at this very moment.

And a little something extra.... pictures and American Eagle LIE.

For those of you who saw that picture of me in my size 10 shorts and figured I was a 6-8.  Not so much.  AE is never consistent with their sizes depending on the cut.  Case in point:  I have 12s, 10s, 14s and they're all different.   I went in this weekend to try jeans on, and because EVERYTHING is flipping low rise, no 8s or 10s that I grabbed fit me.  Bah!

February Thoughts

I was going to do a vlog today, and then I realized that I really wanted to ramble right now, and I didn't want to be that awkward person talking to her computer while she has friends over.  Well they're still in bed right now, but still.  Anyways.... this sums it up well:

Dumb face... don't ask...

 Also, I'm pretty sure I woke up with a sushi hangover and I also think this might have something to do with it:

Sushi on sushi on sushi

We went to an AYCE place at Queen/Yonge, and it's the first AYCE place that really impressed me.  First of all, it took zero time to get our food (though we were also kinda out of the dinner rush (it was only about 5pm) and the fish it's self was really good quality - totally the area in Toronto I think that dictated that.   I also had this odd but delicious roll called the Firehouse.  It was banana and shrimp with spicy mayo and tuna on top.  It was really oddly good.

Anyways, sushi hangover.  I did really well.  I didn't totally overeat, didn't use a ton of soya sauce, and tried to stick to things that weren't uber deep fried.  Unfortunately, I still woke up with that hangover dehydrated thing, though I'm wondering if it's also because of the fact that there were a ton of foods I wasn't used to eating anymore.  I also had a headache last night and again, I'm wondering if it was because of gluten.  Fun times.

Ugh I lost my train of thought there for a minute.

Anyways, this whole post was supposed to actually be about one thing:  coffee.

I'm hardcore addicted to the stuff.  I get massive headaches (when I normally get like 2 headaches a year and they're not that bad) when I don't have coffee in the morning.  It's dumb and I need to fix it.  On top of the fact that I think I'll sleep better if I get off the juice. 

Plan: this week is one in the morning.  Next week is 1/2 cup diluted.  And after that, I'm taking it by feel.   Now, I'm pretty sure I should kick all caffeine, but there's probably still going to be some of this in my life:

No, not the wine.  Promise.  I finally restocked on two of my favourite teas:  Oh Canada and Happy Kombucha.  These two are the bomb.  Oh Canada is one of the best Rooibos that I've had.  It doesn't get all soapy and has a great sweet flavour.  Happy Kombucha is one of the only fruity teas that I like hot or cold.  The best part about Oolong's too, is that you can brew them twice (or more) and the caffeine content decreases each time.  So though this guy's a bit expensive, it's actually kind of a steal.  I think you'll probably see me drinking this all day today.

I'll try to check in halfway through this process.... wish me luck!

Crossfit Challenge and Progress Update Vlog

Lots of rambles again!  The best part comes at the end (of course!)

So you may have heard...

That I posted a vlog!

Go check it out.  I rambled more than I do here but there's a big success I wanted to share that comes at the end!

And if you want to know what I meant by bloating, this was the last time I posted a picture of it.  Right is normal, left is post gluten:

A Long Time Coming...

The title of this post is about 3 fold.  

Partly, I wanted to post this earlier in the week after I made 2 really significant tweets about my weight and goals.  It's now Sunday, but that's okay.  I'm getting it done now and that's what matters.

The other two meanings behind this post are a lot more in depth.  

First off, after how many years of trying to get rid of the weight I put back on, I've managed to fit into an old pair of size 10 jeans I've had hanging around for possibly 3 years.  They were kind of tight when I bought them... and I just remembered I have a really awkward picture of me in them from when I got them!  Oh photobucket, thank you for keeping all of my photos.

 

Anyways, the point is, I've been trying them on off and on over the last few years just to see.  It usually ended up with me in tears and hating on myself.  But not this time!

Yes, I totally picked at the hole in them until I blew it out, but they fit!  And I even wore them in public today!  Super exciting stuff.  It's only been 2 months since changing my diet and exercise program and I'm seeing such results that it's keeping me incredibly motivated.  It was so frustrating to see no changes no matter how hard I tried.  To see changes in terms of pant size pushes me to keep going.  I'm down at least a pant size, though it's hard to tell since most of my pants are stretchy.  Think jeggings and lulu.

The last and deepest thoughts that occurred to me this week is how comfortable I've become.  I'm not pulling at my clothes, and to be honest, if I was to plateau here, I think I'd be okay.  Negative self-talk in terms of my body image used to be a constant that I could never get away from.  I realized earlier in the week that it's gone.  I look in the mirror and I DON'T pick myself apart any more.  I don't hate on all the 'flaws'.   I really think that's been a key to success this time around.  Because of my better all around body image, I'm happier and my goals have definitely changed.  Rather than being focused on a number or pant size, I want to get stronger.  I want to be able to do an unassisted chin up.  I want to deadlift my body weight.  I want to be able to do burpees faster. 

I love this new outlook, and I will try my best to keep things positive.

 

1 Month Check-In

I am SO HAPPY.  I can't believe it.  I really can't.  Weighing myself etc never ends well.  It usually ends up with me in a corner crying and declaring I need wine, STAT.

So you can imagine that I may not have gone into today all that excited.  I thought I had seen changes... but that usually didn't really mean much.

BUT today, today there were changes.

Tired Kelly is tired.

I lost 2lbs which I was happy with.  It put me in the 160s for the first time in over a year. 

I was given a goal of 2-3% body fat loss and I nailed it.  I ended up losing 2.8%.   The biggest change for me was in my stomach which is my problem area and the place I have always hated.  My stomach caliper measurement went down by 25%.  That is just huge!

My goal is to get through the next 2 weeks without eating and drinking my face off and then kill January!

I can see an end point.... only 5-6% body fat to go to get into my first goal.

What Crossfit is Teaching Me.

1.  I am stronger than I think I am.  

I admit, I probably wasn't lifting as heavy as I could have been while doing the Live Fit Program.   Actually, I know I wasn't now.   Today, I PRed my deadlift at 135lbs.   Nothing crazy, but considering I ONLY did Romanian deadlifts prior, and even that was only around the 60lb mark, I'm stoked.  My first goal is 170lbs (or a body weight deadlift) and I'm getting so close!  And if I have lost weight I'll be even closer.  Awesome!!  

2.  I am way more competitive than I thought I was.

I am so competitive in other areas of my life, but fitness has never been something I considered something I would ever excel at, and therefore, there was no reason to be competitive with someone.  Doing WODs, I push myself harder when there's someone beside me and I constantly want to improve and be better than myself and to catch up to the pack.

3.  I am athletic.

This thought was partly prompted by Crossfit and partly by a client who asked me what got me into my profession and if I played any sports.  I always say no, but.   My but is that I've done a duathlon, I've ran races, and I workout a lot.  And now I say I do Crossfit.  He was astounded that I do all that and said it was way harder than what he did (baseball) and that it was really hardcore.  I have NEVER considered myself an athlete or athletic.  Especially after flailing through gym class and multiple trials at sports as a kid.  It's really hard to consider myself an athlete.  But I AM.  I need to stop seeing the grade 9 girl who finished the 1 mile run last and in like 15 minutes.  That's not me anymore.


It really is time to stop beating myself up and start building myself up.  Back to it tomorrow or Saturday, depending on how sore I am from the insanity today!

November is Here!

Eeeek!  November has finally arrived!   I'm excited because it means two things:   Snow should be arriving soon (hopefully) and in 16 days it will be my birthday!

With the arrival of November, I'm starting to form some new goals.   Basically, I'm a bit stuck and frustrated with my 'progress' but I'm also debating whether I really want to give up even more just to be smaller. 

This week, I went to my doctor's for my physical, and while it wasn't my worst doctor experience, it was still frustrating as hell.  She told me my weight (which was just such a bad thing, the last few days has been a bit of a rollercoaster) and gave me the spiel about my BMI being high and how I should count calories and blah blah blah.  Apparently, I'm the exact same weight as I was 6-8 months ago.  I really could go on and on about how doctor's take that number, and BMI (WHICH WE ALL KNOW ISN'T  a good measure) and don't focus on my perfect blood pressure or blood work.  I am healthy when you look at that.  Good blood sugars, good cholesterol, good thyroid, etc.  Sigh.  My other favourite comment had to be "Oh, beautiful tattoos, do you want to be checked for HIV?".

Now that the rant is over.  What are my goals?

1.  Blog 3-5 times per week.  Half the time I don't think I have anything interesting to say, but I have to remember this blog is for me, not everyone else in the world.

2. Naked run 3 times per week.  No, I don't mean run naked.  I mean outside, without gadgets, and just going for as long as I think I can.  No more numbers.*

3. Stretching!  Remember to stretch.  I love stretching, but I felt like I didn't have time for it over the last month or so.  That way of thinking lead to a very angry back.

4.  Monitor my water intake.  Try for at least 4 water bottles at work, and another 4 glasses while at home.

5.  Decrease the wine.   One glass, 3 times per week. 

*I know if you read this blog, you probably think I should give up on running already, but I really want to fall back in love with it, and I fully intend to do another duathlon

Okay guys, I think that's all.  Hopefully I can make November and December my best months!

The Number Game

I had a thought yesterday. 

Actually, I surprisingly have many thoughts on a regular basis but not every one of them is sane. 

My thought was this:  I've spent a majority of my 26 years focused on numbers.  My pant size.  The number on the scale.  How many points/calories I've ate.  How many times did I go to the gym that week. 

I've done away with two of these numbers.  I haven't set foot on a scale in over two months.  It has been the most freeing experience of my life.  Especially because I take pictures of my progress every month or so.  I don't have shitty days because I weighed myself.  I don't beat myself up over not losing from one week to the next.  Oh I pigged out on sushi and have sodium bloat?  I don't react twice as bad since I don't see the number momentarily go up.

I've also stopped counting calories.  I try to fit too much crap into my day if I do.  Instead, I give my body what it wants (even if it means a burger and fries or chocolate).  I don't care about calories.  I care about maxing my protein which seems to mean I eat less.

I have one more to give up this week. 

My pant size. 

I'm not sure what I started out as prior to this journey.   I know I had a pair of size 12 jeggings that were pretty snug and some stretchy lulus.  But that's about the extent of what I wore.

I now seem to be about an 11/12. 

But really.  What does it matter?

As long as I'm healthy, happy, and seeing strength gains and body composition gains, I don't need to worry about fitting into a size 8.  It's been my goal for so long to get back to an 8.  Today, I'm letting it go.  I may get back there one day or I may not.

I thought about why I wanted an 8 sooooo bad.  It's all I've wanted for 2 years.  I realized it's because it's not a "plus size" number.  Sure, I guess a 12 is considered the plus size, but a 10 is still double digits.  In my head, I needed to shun that number.  *please note I think all women are beautiful no matter what their size.  It was something I had built in my head.*

You know what?  I don't care anymore.

I'm happy with my progress.  


Numbers are just numbers.  They can't hurt me.