I had a thought yesterday.
Actually, I surprisingly have many thoughts on a regular basis but not every one of them is sane.
My thought was this: I've spent a majority of my 26 years focused on numbers. My pant size. The number on the scale. How many points/calories I've ate. How many times did I go to the gym that week.
I've done away with two of these numbers. I haven't set foot on a scale in over two months. It has been the most freeing experience of my life. Especially because I take pictures of my progress every month or so. I don't have shitty days because I weighed myself. I don't beat myself up over not losing from one week to the next. Oh I pigged out on sushi and have sodium bloat? I don't react twice as bad since I don't see the number momentarily go up.
I've also stopped counting calories. I try to fit too much crap into my day if I do. Instead, I give my body what it wants (even if it means a burger and fries or chocolate). I don't care about calories. I care about maxing my protein which seems to mean I eat less.
I have one more to give up this week.
My pant size.
I'm not sure what I started out as prior to this journey. I know I had a pair of size 12 jeggings that were pretty snug and some stretchy lulus. But that's about the extent of what I wore.
I now seem to be about an 11/12.
But really. What does it matter?
As long as I'm healthy, happy, and seeing strength gains and body composition gains, I don't need to worry about fitting into a size 8. It's been my goal for so long to get back to an 8. Today, I'm letting it go. I may get back there one day or I may not.
I thought about why I wanted an 8 sooooo bad. It's all I've wanted for 2 years. I realized it's because it's not a "plus size" number. Sure, I guess a 12 is considered the plus size, but a 10 is still double digits. In my head, I needed to shun that number. *please note I think all women are beautiful no matter what their size. It was something I had built in my head.*
You know what? I don't care anymore.
I'm happy with my progress.
Numbers are just numbers. They can't hurt me.