Sunday, 3 June 2012

It's Finally Happening

So who am I?  Why a blog?  And why now? 

Let's start with who.  I'm a 26 year old girl (yes girl, no way I'm a woman yet) living in the big city.  It's been a crazy journey for me.  Living all over the 401 and trying to figure out who the heck I am. 

I was never a 'normal weight'.  I was never active.  I spent up until my second year of university hating my body.  I was fat.  I was uncomfortable.  I didn't understand how to lose weight.  I had tried to do Weight Watchers in high school and obsessively tried to eat under my points.  My lunch was usually a diet coke.  That sounds healthy, doesn't it?

Not even at my biggest, but probably my most awkward.  Look at that hair!
In between my first and second year of uni, something pretty bad happened and I was stuck hobbling to school.  Hating my body even more.  Do you know how embarrassing it is to end up in emerge, with a gaping hole in your leg, and wonder how the fuck they're going to get your too tight uniform shorts off you?  Not cool.  I spent the first four months of that year recovering.  On January 1, 2005, I decided enough was enough.   So I lost 70lbs.  I went from edging on 200lbs, to around 125.  I thought I did it the healthy way.  I definitely didn't.  I wasn't fueling my body right.  I wasn't eating enough. 
Who knows what I'm going on about here.

And so, like everyone that does it wrong.  I gained it back.  Well, 50lbs of it.  Yes, 50.  God that number hurts.  

Maybe this didn't help?

So why a blog?  And why now?  

I've spent the last year battling the scale.  I've gone up and down, but mainly up.  I didn't get it.  I still don't.  But my blood work came back clean, so it's up to me to do this.

This year has been a rough one.  I moved from Ottawa to Toronto.  The small town girl ended up in the big smoke.  What?  Yeah.  I said that would never happen but it did.  I had a lot of job issues.  This place is weird.  And my head wasn't in the game.  My stress level was/is through the roof.  And the scale went up. 

I read a lot of blogs.  I stalk others blog rolls (ahem, Amy) and read the new posts.  So yeah, that's a reason to have a blog of my own.  I debated whether I needed to step away from them.  If they were bringing my OCD out and my dislike for my body.  And then I decided I should join them.  Make myself accountable.

I've lost 4lbs in a week and a half. 

What changed?  My attitude. 

Something clicked Victoria Day weekend.

I had a duathlon staring me in the face. 

And I knew that the only way I'd get through it happily would be to be as healthy as possible going into it.  So I started to fuel myself.  And the booze ban started.  No more drinking until June 24 (or at least no more getting drunk).

 It's been amazing.  I can run again.  I've trained over 2 hours in one day.

So that's my story.  I'm sure they'll be some bumps along the way, but this time, this time it's for keeps.

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