Why Hello Again Blog World

I wrote new blog posts probably once a month since I went MIA on here.  Well, more like I wrote half of them and then deleted them all or left them unfinished.

I had too much on my mind to make a cohesive post.  Hell, I still do.   I questioned why I was even blogging.  I didn't really feel I had anything unique to bring to the conversation.  I eat.  I crossfit.  I do a few fun things here and there.  I'm not any different than the average health/fitness blogger.  

And then yesterday I decided, who cares?  Why should I write this for anyone but me?  I've always only ever wrote for me.  Yeah, people read it.  Even people who know me in real life.  But this little space here is all mine.

So here's my post for today.  Maybe I'll be back.  Maybe I won't.  But I wanted to remember this little thing that happened to me.

I keep looking at this picture from this weekend and I was trying to figure out why when it dawned on me.  It was pretty much pure happiness from playing around with my little cousin.  And for once, I didn't look at this picture and pick apart everything I wanted to change about me.   I didn't look at it and think 'I've got work to do still'.   I'm just happy.   It took a long time to get here and I can't guarantee that those thoughts aren't going to crop up from time to time, but to actually recognize that is a big deal.

And now back to my regular crossfit/eating schedule.... and work... maybe work.

Perspective

Today is Tuesday, March 26th and I'm giving up the scale again for a month.


I've been consistently seeing loses every week for the past few weeks and feeling lighter, smaller, and stronger.

When I stepped on the scale today my heart kind of sunk a bit and I could feel the bad thoughts bubbling up.  Staying the same is hard.

I also know that I had food yesterday and the day before that would probably make me not lose.  I've also not slept well the last two nights.  These are things I need to remember.

I also need to remember that the scale DOES NOT MATTER.  My head knows this, but every time I don't lose my brain goes on overdrive and I think that I will never lose another pound and the scale is going to go up.  Dumb.

The other thing that convinced me to get off the scale?

Today I managed to get 5 reps with 145lbs for my deadlift!  More satisfactory than any number on a scale!  My last try was barely 3 reps.  I'm hoping that a 1-2RM will show up soon so I can test whether or not I've hit goal!   I can't wait!

And this picture reminds me of how far I've come!  I'm back in jeans I haven't worn in years, and they're starting to feel loose!

Time to get rid of that scale again Kelly.  Until April 26th, I WILL NOT get on the scale.

Get Real Food Challenge - Final Thoughts

It's here!!

Crossfit Benchmarks

I just realized it's been a week since I last posted, which means that I totally missed part 3 of the Real Food Challenge.  Yikes!  Sorry people still kind of reading! Next week I'll see if I can get my buggy sound to work and actually do a video.

In it's place, I shall give you a screen grab from that vid:

Mainly, well because we all know I'm vain, but look at those shoulders!  I finally see some definition going on which is really exciting!

Annnyways, the real point of this post is to talk about CF benchmark workouts.  These workouts are either the ladies (so named because apparently, they leave you flat on your back, looking up at the sky wondering what happened to you) or the Hero workouts (I believe these are based on US heros - generally military).

I've now done 2 in my whopping 3.5 months of Crossfit and they are doozies.  I did Fran awhile back and remember dying at the end of my 7min or whatever it was (probably longer but who knows).  Today was Jackie.

In recognition that I may not have been giving it my all in February, March started off with a bang and I'm really trying to giv'r with everything.  Today though... while my cardiovascular capacity felt good, my body had a different story.  I love and hate rowing, the shorty in me just can't go wicked fast so I'm usually the last one off.  On top of that, the advice is to save your energy for the thrusters and pull ups.  

The thrusters started off feeling fine but the last 15 or so started slowing and I couldn't just bang them out... 3... stop... 2... stop... okay 10 more.  

And then I hit the pull-ups (actually, I did chins).  Oh my.  I got the first 10 out of the way and then struggled through the next bit.  As much as I felt like I could, my arms didn't want to.  I hung off the bar for quite some time and the last one was pretty weak.   As soon as I got off the bar my forearms were on fire and getting that fun tight feeling.   I could barely open my hands.

So Jackie, you were a bit of a b*tch.  But I'll get you next time.  

Get Real Food Challenge Update #2

There was supposed to be a vlog here yesterday, but my new computer was having none of that and I got too frustrated to fix it yesterday.  Or today.  So you get a blog.  Deal.

Food

Food wise was fairly good last week minus the times we went out to eat, but I stuck with paleo.  Umm.... except for me making a mistake with my pizza on Friday night and forgetting that I had to check 'no cheese' option when I ordered online.  So I ate a piece with it and then picked it off the rest.

Gym

Last week I felt off for most of the week and had trouble upping my weight on a lot of things.  However, during our special Monday workout, I actually managed a 2RM Turkish Get Up with 20lbs and majorly upped my box jumps.  Wahhoooo!  This week I've been PRing all over the place but I'll update that tomorrow.

Life

Sleep has been actually on a roll this week and despite feeling off and the stressors I've had, I've been well rested.  Some of those days were melatonin induced, but I'm okay with it.  Unfortunately this week started off with me trying to push down the stress eating cravings, but so far so good.

GOING FORWARD

Food 

My goal this week has been to take out my paleo treats and decrease my 'paleo approved sugars' to take down the stress eating cravings.  I didn't bake anything on Sunday, and instead prepped lots of veggies and protein to make it through.  Unfortunately, I also made maple cinnamon almond butter and someone needs to pry it out of my hands.  It's so good.

I'm also trying to up my water intake.  I've been slacking recently.  So the brita and I are now BFFs.

Gym

Trying to give it all no matter how I feel this week.  Pushing through and getting it done.  That's it that's all.

Life

My life goal is the same as the gym.  Approach things with positivity and every time my head gets into a vicious cycle of self doubt, counteract it with what is going right in my life at this very moment.

And a little something extra.... pictures and American Eagle LIE.

For those of you who saw that picture of me in my size 10 shorts and figured I was a 6-8.  Not so much.  AE is never consistent with their sizes depending on the cut.  Case in point:  I have 12s, 10s, 14s and they're all different.   I went in this weekend to try jeans on, and because EVERYTHING is flipping low rise, no 8s or 10s that I grabbed fit me.  Bah!

Get Real Food Challenge

It's been a rough week....

This week has been full of ups and downs and stomach aches and frustrated workouts.

I've been sitting on a vlog I actually NEED to do since Sunday/Monday but haven't had the umph to get it done.  I'm hoping to have it up by tomorrow or Monday at the latest.  It's kinda necessary and should promote me doing more.

Let's start with the bad:

• Feeling sugar addicted again and wanting dessert and/or to stuff my face.  I don't know where it came from but I'm guessing stress and emotional eating triggers.  The good news is that I've resisted it, but it hasn't been easy.
• Alcohol.  With the vlog I need to get out haha, you'll know why, but I've been trying to keep the boozing to a minimum for the next 4-5 weeks and that just didn't happen this week.
• Getting frustrated with my lifts.  I get really testy when I can't nail my form and have to drop down in weight.  I know it's for my greater good, and I'm only 3 months in, but it would be nice to get out of Foundations.  Unfortunately, my coaches often get the wrath of frustrated OCD perfectionist cranky pants Kelly.
• That time I ate gluten.... I indulged with 1 homemade dumpling (but only 1/2 of the pastry) and a little bit of glass noodle salad and paid with my gluten baby for the rest of the day.   It was uncomfortable, but at least I can now l can laugh at it instead of curling up into a ball

The good:

• I managed to squeak out 6 reps at 63lbs for my bench.... last week I struggled to get 2 at 65 so it's a big change in a short time.
• I upped my box jump to about 20-22 inches... I should measure that.
• I did not let any of the bad things completely mess up my week and learned to accept and move on instead of dwelling on them.

Alright, I have a date with my oven.... not for fun baking, but cleaning.  Here goes!

Changing the Mental Game

Part of the problem (or at least my problem) of being chubby, losing weight, putting a significant amount back on, and working my bum off to get it back off, is the toll it's taken on my mental health.

The good news is that my self-hatred for my body has basically been erradicated.  I truly believe that if I was to stay at this size for awhile, I'd be okay with it.  I'm proud of what I've worked at to achieve, and so excited to keep pushing forward.  But if nothing were to happen, if I were to plateau, it'd be okay.

The problem now then?

I still have scale issues.  In the last 3 weeks,  I've been on the scale 3 times.  All favourable results, yes, but every time I get on that scale and feel that little twitch in my tummy of happiness, I wonder what I'm going to feel like if the scale doesn't budge for awhile or if it even goes up.   I can't let a number have power over me. That's not how this works.

It's February 5th, and I'm not getting back on the scale until the end of the month.  Nope.


Anyways..... other things that happened in the last few days:

I'm now down 11lbs and seated in the 150s again (okay 159, but I'll take it!).

I bought a new lulu gym outfit.  Hooray for matching! Though I need to figure out what else to pair with the crops.

I also bought a new shirt from Le Chateau and it was only $9.99.   Score.  I never buy anything from Le Chateau since it's not really my style and it's always pricy.

And then I bought some MAC too which is currently on my face :)  Good shopping weekend.  Bad for my bank account.  Whoops!


OH!  I signed up for a whole year of Crossfit!  It also means that it's significantly cheaper per month now!   Pretty excited to see what the next year may bring.

Crossfit Challenge and Progress Update Vlog

Lots of rambles again!  The best part comes at the end (of course!)

So you may have heard...

That I posted a vlog!

Go check it out.  I rambled more than I do here but there's a big success I wanted to share that comes at the end!

And if you want to know what I meant by bloating, this was the last time I posted a picture of it.  Right is normal, left is post gluten:

6:05am

6:05am is when my alarm goes off.  I usually grumble a bit (especially on Mondays) and lay there until about 6:12.   I finally roll myself out of bed and quickly get changed so I don't wake Greg.

I grumble a bit down the hallway and make some coffee and eat something small all the while trying to figure out how much time I have before I have to leave (and therefore how much I should eat).

By 6:40, the grumbling stops and I actually feel awake.

Out the door at 6:45, and in class by about 6:58.

I have NEVER been one to be at the gym before 8am.  Making this a routine has been really hard.

I need to remember at 6:05, that within a half hour or so I'll feel fine, and that extra hour of sleep isn't worth the energy I gain at the gym.

CrossFit: 6 weeks in

Yes, it's Sunday, two days before Christmas, and I'm blogging.

It's Sunday morning, I'm bored, and I'm avoiding doing the cleaning I need to do before my parents arrive... or the baking... shhhhhh.   And I may be watching Home Alone.

Anyways...

Coming to you is another Crossfit post. 

The reason I think I love Crossfit isn't because I've just drank the kool-aid.  I did have a little sip and I am now looking for perfect minimal shoes but yeah, I also plan on running again soon and biking and all that jazz.

I like Crossfit because I get a group feel while lifting and having someone push me and teach me (even when I roll my eyes when they say to add more weight) means I'm making gains so quickly it astounds me.

When Amy mentioned how she would never be able to box jump, I realized I hadn't done them in awhile.  And my last time was a bit of a disaster.  Luckily there wasn't any skin broken on my shins, but my pride was frustrated.

Saturday was day 4/4 for me which means no Metcon!  I chipped away at my little workout knowing that the last couple things I had to do were probably going to be frustrating: box jumps and double unders.

The double unders were NOT a success today.  The coach laughed at me because I definitely slammed the rope down a few times after whipping my forearms.

The box jumps though?  Awesome.

1.  The last time I was struggling to get onto the 12 inch box which has a 1 inch lift on it.... I nailed it first set.
2.  Okay, so I added a plate.
3.  And then I added a higher plate
4.  And then I added both and I still may have been able to do a bit more!

I'm very much excited for what the new year brings!  My goal?  A 20 inch box jump!

1 Month Check-In

I am SO HAPPY.  I can't believe it.  I really can't.  Weighing myself etc never ends well.  It usually ends up with me in a corner crying and declaring I need wine, STAT.

So you can imagine that I may not have gone into today all that excited.  I thought I had seen changes... but that usually didn't really mean much.

BUT today, today there were changes.

Tired Kelly is tired.

I lost 2lbs which I was happy with.  It put me in the 160s for the first time in over a year. 

I was given a goal of 2-3% body fat loss and I nailed it.  I ended up losing 2.8%.   The biggest change for me was in my stomach which is my problem area and the place I have always hated.  My stomach caliper measurement went down by 25%.  That is just huge!

My goal is to get through the next 2 weeks without eating and drinking my face off and then kill January!

I can see an end point.... only 5-6% body fat to go to get into my first goal.

Tuesday is my blogging day...

I always get the urge to blog on Tuesdays.  I think it's because I get my workout done early and then don't have to be at work until noon.  Then I realize I haven't blogged in a week so I probably should get on that.

This week has been good.  I'm finally starting to notice the effects of paleo/primal in terms of cravings.   I had to go to a Christmas party over the weekend, and for once I didn't want to stuff my face with cheese and desserts.  But believe me that cheese did look kinda tasty.   I also went back for seconds of the salad.  Who goes back for more salad?  Gosh.  I did however have some wine, which has been my one weakness through this entire thing.  Okay and the dark chocolate peanut butter in my cupboard.  My plan is to get through this month, and then completely cut out the wine for a month just for kicks. 

Other stuff that happened this week:  I did my first attempt at a Crossfit Lady, Fran, and came up not too bad considering.   Though I couldn't Rx the weight and I still need pull-up bands but that's okay!  I'm getting there.

I'm not sure if I see more muscle there or if I'm just better at flexing.

 Thursday is my first checkpoint with Crossfit and I'm nervous.  Did giving 95% result in a decent amount of change?  It's so hard to see it on yourself which is why I take a million pictures of myself.  Pshhht.  Okay, I'm just vain.

Alright, I better get myself together... time to drink some tea and get ready for my workday.  4 more days til vacation!!
 

Random Stuff

I sat here for awhile trying to figure out what I wanted to write about today.  I don't have a clear plan.  Meh.  Let's see what happens.

Crossfit this morning was brutal and awesome all at the same time.  I went up by 15lbs on my squat and my form seems to be improving every time I try which is awesome.  I also feel a lot more confident with chin ups and pull ups.  With chin ups in my workout out, and man makers (eff me those things are tough!), toes to bar (I currently do knees to chest), and skipping as the WOD, my hands are toast.  They're starting to look about as rough as they did while I was working on the canal:

I made fish sticks last night for dinner and they were rockin'!  I'm trying to get more fish in my diet without just going out for sushi every other night.  I tried to make a butternut squash hash too but it kind of failed and I've also decided that I really don't love squash.  I'm still working on my feelings about the funky smelling vegetable.

Pecan crusted haddock. Mmm mmm good.

 

 

Speaking of going out.  Greg and I went out for an anniversary breakfast this morning.  It's kind of frustrating having to modify meals so much when you go out, and I can only ask for so much so the hash browns showed up on my plate and I had a hard time not picking at them.  Okay.... I had a few.... 

Okay, last thoughts for today:

 My cat's are adorable.

Monkeys dressed in coats at Ikea are freakin' hilarious. 

What Crossfit is Teaching Me.

1.  I am stronger than I think I am.  

I admit, I probably wasn't lifting as heavy as I could have been while doing the Live Fit Program.   Actually, I know I wasn't now.   Today, I PRed my deadlift at 135lbs.   Nothing crazy, but considering I ONLY did Romanian deadlifts prior, and even that was only around the 60lb mark, I'm stoked.  My first goal is 170lbs (or a body weight deadlift) and I'm getting so close!  And if I have lost weight I'll be even closer.  Awesome!!  

2.  I am way more competitive than I thought I was.

I am so competitive in other areas of my life, but fitness has never been something I considered something I would ever excel at, and therefore, there was no reason to be competitive with someone.  Doing WODs, I push myself harder when there's someone beside me and I constantly want to improve and be better than myself and to catch up to the pack.

3.  I am athletic.

This thought was partly prompted by Crossfit and partly by a client who asked me what got me into my profession and if I played any sports.  I always say no, but.   My but is that I've done a duathlon, I've ran races, and I workout a lot.  And now I say I do Crossfit.  He was astounded that I do all that and said it was way harder than what he did (baseball) and that it was really hardcore.  I have NEVER considered myself an athlete or athletic.  Especially after flailing through gym class and multiple trials at sports as a kid.  It's really hard to consider myself an athlete.  But I AM.  I need to stop seeing the grade 9 girl who finished the 1 mile run last and in like 15 minutes.  That's not me anymore.


It really is time to stop beating myself up and start building myself up.  Back to it tomorrow or Saturday, depending on how sore I am from the insanity today!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Today's workout made me face fears.  I'm comfortable lifting things up and putting them down.

I'm not comfortable with anything that involves my body weight.

I suck at boy push ups.  I can't do a pull up/chin up to save my life.  And the idea of lifting my body weight up to get up onto something freaks me the eff out.  I blame being the kid who could never actually get up on the stage at school by jumping up and turning around. 

Today's workout had rope climbs, moves with the rings, and l-sits which were supposed to be skin the cats which looks like this:

 Actually, it was even worse because there was supposed to be a pike thing at the top too.  Ughhhhh.

Stuff was going okay.  Kinda.  Okay, I had a million variations until I got to the last two moves.

About that.  I almost landed on my face a few times with the front leaning and only managed to squeak out 5-10 seconds at a time.

The support hold?  I stared at it for 5 minutes before I even tried.   I ended up needing support of a resistance band and at best I could hold for about 20seconds.  It was a mess.

BUT I did things I never in the world thought I would even try to do.

I may have sucked but it was a still a step forward. 

I leave you with this goodie.  It cracks me up every time I see it!

The Truth

There are many reason why I haven't blogged in almost a month, and there are just as many for why my blog posts when down exponentially over the last couple months.

I wasn't feeling it partly because the 'Operation Get Fit' wasn't showing any progress.  I was stalled and very much reverting back to some old habits.  Think wine, nachos just because I went to the gym, and too much of healthy 'treats'.

I definitely wasn't getting bigger, but I wasn't getting stronger or smaller either.

Then there was that disastrous doctor's appointment where I got to hear about my weight again.

With all that weighing on me, yes weighing on me, I finally kicked myself in the ass and joined a Crossfit Box.  Part of the reason I dipped out of posting was because I didn't want to become a crazy obsessive Crossfit blogger.  But realistically, it was the right choice for me:  a girl who liked weights but had a hard time pushing myself.

Up at 6:30am to workout???

 I'm almost a month into it, and loving it.   The workouts are hard and intense and I'm loving it.  Working my way up to less resistance pull-ups, deadlifting #115, benching #55, while not sounding like crazy accomplishments, they are for me.

I also am working with their awesome nutrition expert Summer, and working my way through a strict paleo-esque diet up until the holidays.   It's been a little bit of a battle but I'd say 1 week in, I'm averaging 95% and finally reading labels.  I've got another 3 weeks to go, so we'll see what happens.  She even did the whole skip caliper body fat % thing.  The good news is, it's not as bad as I thought.  The bad, it's definitely in the obese range.  Yup, Kelly, the exercise junkie is still considered obese.

With that, I'll try to be back.  I'll post some awesome things I've been making lately in my kitchen.  I'll remember that this blog is for me.

Random pictures of stuff I should have blogged about but didn't:

27th birthday dinner with one of the best Food Network chefs!

Typical few days of strength at Crossfit

Finally got my shipment of Vermont PB (in limited quantities until challenge is over)

Yum yum Paleo dinner!

Amazing paleo pumpkin french toast!

Public Service Announcement

I can barely walk today.

Or get out of a chair.

Or up the stairs.


I love this feeling.

Drinking Kool-Aid

I am about to join a cult. 

A cult that makes me roll my eyes a little, but it took some time to come to this decision, and I took a long time to think about if this cult was the right one for me.

Yes, I'm joining a Crossfit gym.

The horror.

My reasoning?   Gym classes don't motivate me any more.  Pump doesn't work for me.  I love spin but I'll find a way to bring it back (or I may get a trainer for my bike).   I love lifting weights but I feel like I'm kind of stuck and I know I can't go farther without someone pushing me and watching my form.  And I miss having a gym partner to push me.

I did two things in the last couple days, I tried kickboxing, which I loved, and this morning I went for my consult/trial for the Crossfit gym by my apartment.

I adored boxing and would have gone back, if it wasn't for the fact that Crossfit is a better fit.

I didn't realize that I would be doing a workout this morning, but luckily I was dressed properly.

Today, we spent a little bit of time doing movement assessments and then worked on my squat.  I was pleasantly surprised that I managed to do 1x5 full squats beyond parallel with 45lbs.  It's not a ton of weight but I've always been scared to go beyond 90 without anyone around.

Todays WOD was longggggg.  At 18 minutes, it's on the longer side of WODs (or as this gym calls them, Metcons.

3 sets of 4 minutes as many rounds as possible of 15 kettlebells and 10 ball slams with 3 minutes rests.

I managed to get through all 3 sets but there was a lot of sweating going on and the last set was pathetic.

I'm going back Thursday for my personal training/total assessment so we'll see how this goes.

I'm really excited! 

Don't worry, I won't make you drink the kool-aid!